What you won't do for love? I've tried everything but I give up...

I'd like to start this blog off with some words from my ace, my apple scrapple... I introduce to you...myzaki...

"With lips as skillful as my own metrical compositions, I'd whisper eternity in your ear, if you'd take the chance to listen... I'd take you to where only imagination has allowed you a pass before; I'd tattoo fantasies on your skin with my tongue to unlock the door...to untapped regions on your cerebral map... Nigga, you've never had it like this, cause I got it like that..."

I've loved this one person soooo much. I don't believe that I loved my first is hard and as much as I love him. Not saying that I didn't love him but this time around...its different. The problem is, although I love him regardless of all of the things we've been through, he says that he doesn't see me that way...but not only are we best friends but we have a son together. There are details of our friendship that is borderline relationship and continues to be in certain ways. Some ways have ended for the sake of our friendship but then...the others are still alive and kicking.

The thing is....I believe many of his hang ups are because he believes what he wants to believe about me instead of what I'm saying. "...I'd whisper eternity in your ear, if you'd take the chance to listen..." thats me....but at the same time, I've noticed that there are characteristics about me that he's looking for in other people that are who I am. He expects these people to be a certain way and do certain things which is because of the way I treat him. "Nigga, you've never had it like this, cause I got it like that..."

What I've shown him and given to him has rang so deep inside of him that he wants it in his life and I understand the concept of finding out that you like something in particular and you look for that thing. Unfortunately, when it comes to people, there are some things that you are only gonna find in one package. You maybe able to find one quality here, two there, they may even be in one package but there will be one thing that cancels out everything else. Whereas everything he wants and needs lies within me.

"I'd take you to where imagination has only allowed you a pass before;" He's only been able to see parts of me because he set so many lines and boundaries. I really wish it wasn't that way, but it is that way. He doesn't see us in a relationship, but still wanted to have sex with me, wanted me to kiss and cuddle with him, wanted me to be open with him. How? How can I give so much of myself to someone who just told me that they didn't want me? I built walls, I was able to do somethings without thinking of it and other things I had to cut off. I gave him my body out of love. At one point, I was hoping it would change things, but it didn't. I learned that the hard way.

In my heart I always believed and believe that he's in love with me, but because its so unconditional and he's use to conditional, that he doesn't even know it. He's counting on fate, but not willing to work for it. Faith without works is dead is what they tell me. If he believes it so much, why not act like it? Instead, the way that our friendship is now, is the way it should have been from the beginning, but there's more....there's always more....